Moving On...

Before I even started my period after this third medicated try, I began to think about the next step. I was going back and forth in my head for a while: IVF or Adoption? It wasn't until two nights ago, my partner and I sat down and had a pretty open and honest discussion. Although I thought I was leaning towards IVF, as we began to talk through things, I found myself saying and feeling things that I had not been aware that I felt. We made a decision, we will pursue adoption. Then something very strange and unexpected happened. Within an hour or so, I began to feel almost giddy. I felt like an enormous weight had been lifted. It was then I realized the toll that this process has taken on me, mentally and physically. It is very hard to describe the extreme happiness and comfort I have found in making this decision. I smiled all the way  home from the post office after mailing our initial adoption application. I can hardly wait to welcome a little baby into our lives in a year or so! However, if I am being honest I am also very excited to drink as much coffee as I want, have a glass of wine when I want, go back on birth control (periods are unbearable without it), feel good enough to exercise everyday, and have a clear head again without all the drugs messing with me! Anyway, I am ending this blog, because it served as a way for me to communicate my stresses to my friends and family without having to do that face-to-face. It was also therapeutic for me. Thanks for "listening."

7dpiui (Med Try #3)

Well, I am finally starting to feel better. I had a very rough day yesterday. I still don't know if it was the flu or a bad reaction to the trigger leaving my body. All I know is today I took a pregnancy test and the trigger is finally out of my body. Definitely feeling some bloating today (although I have been making myself drink lots of water after not eating/drinking much the last two days) and very sore and enlarged boobs. I don't usually get sore/enlarged boobs so I am hoping this is a good sign. I actually have forced myself to think very positively today and looked at some baby things on pinterest and glanced a few times at the baby picture of our anonymous sperm donor. I keep it on my desktop to look at when I am feeling negative.

I think we have also decided that we will probably take a break if this try doesn't work out, and then go back in Nov or Dec for IVF. That will give us time to save up some more money and for me to go back to being myself. I am in shape and have always exercised regularly. These drugs have really made me feel blah and not at all motivated to work out. Most of the time I am either crampy and miserable on my period, or crampy and bloated on the clomid and trigger. There just aren't many days when I feel like working out. I really hope I can get back to that, whether it is while taking a break or while enjoying my pregnancy.

I probably will test over the weekend some time so I will update then.